


Little Dipper of Anxiety

by A-bucket-full-of-stars (abucketfullofstars)



Category: Me - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Body Shaming, Fat - Freeform, Feeling shitty, I had a fight with my parents, My parents are being shitty, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, bad grammar, god o hate myself, halp, no puncuation, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abucketfullofstars/pseuds/A-bucket-full-of-stars
Summary: Join me on a sled hatered induced venting session about everything wrong me. And my parents are being dicks so I could use some support so I wrote this and decided to share it.





	Little Dipper of Anxiety

Your ok just breathe ignore the stare the cutting thoughts in your head that make you want to die. Ignore you parents who call you shot and fat all the fucking time. Just get home get to your room. Just remember the old saying, “ headphones in music on ignore the world,” your ok. Just because you are not as skinny as the other girls… What’s the fucking point. What’s the fucking point thinking it’s going to be ok when every time you walk outside of your bedroom door you are critiqued for you weight, that one assignment that you didn’t do well on (I already have the self deprecating covered I don’t need you to) you are criticized by your own parents and that makes you want to scream at them “I already beat myself up stuttering in class and everything you yell at me about so just fuck off,” but then they will yell at you more and say your over reacting. Breathe. Don’t cry. Keep it together. Goalkeepers don’t cry. You want to make that soccer team in freshman year don’t cry. Even though you are hugging your arms to your stomach so hard you might throw up. You do it because you are creating that contact that you want but just can’t bring yourself to ask for. You want to starve yourself and get skinnier and faster and better but you can’t do that with you parents always trying to live through you and push you to do things the way they find acceptable not the way you want to do it. They are not always right. You want to be pretty for once in your life. When you walk down the hall or go upstairs you think - know - that they are talking about you. How fat and ugly and repulsive you are. You start shaking. You chew gum to hide the anxiety. It’s been helping though sometimes you’re afraid you could choke when you start panicking. You prefer sweatshirts to hide the shaking of you hands and anything less than ideal. Don’t worry It’s the stress. You hate your dad calling journalists idiots and saying having lady problems that make you sick are nothing. You hate reading when characters embarrass themselves because you can feel it. Your friends say it’s because you have a lot of empathy and that’s valid because they feel it too. God you live your friends because they will take time out of their day to listen. They won’t dismiss your problems because they may seem trivial like your parents would. They validate your emotions and give you something to fucking live for because They. Fucking. Care. Tears sting at your eyes but you know once you start crying you can’t stop. You’ll cry so hard your eyes will hurt. You are ok you’re ok just keep repeating that to yourself until you make it true.


End file.
